NaNoWriMo 2022

 

Dark Matter Coffee: Osmium | Chicago, IL

My official first year in Chicago has come and gone. From personal experience, the first 12 months is almost always a little disorienting – particularly if you have very little to no network in your new homebase.

I am the queen of starting over; I understood what I was up against and knew there would be an adjustment period ahead.

Unfortunately, I was unable to participate in last year’s NaNo. At the time, there were other things that took precedent, however, I did manage to punch out a few really good interviews over the spring and summer months.

Something With A Little Ginger.

Between the excitement, the discomfort, and the isolation of being in a new, more diverse environment, my book project fell from top of mind. As I become more settled and familiar with the city [neighborhood and transit navigation, developing friendships etc], I have started to re-center myself.

This relocation has been emotionally challenging, but I’m back to give you an update and wrap up 2022 strong. The idea here is to become more aligned with this project while throwing some consistency in the bowl, ha. This is a one woman show – I do the best I can.

Cleary 2022 was meant to be a “growth” year for me.  My limits have been tested in multiple areas of life, siphoning my attention and draining my spirit. Through it all, I still managed to passively put in work, consuming audio versions of various memoirs and a lot of Brene Brown. I love Brene Brown. And self-help-y material that, although unrelated to the book project, has been helpful in prompting my return.

There was a point that I thought about taking a writer’s workshop through the University of Iowa to help get me back on track. That didn’t pan out – I was pressed for time [I found out about it, late] and processing [2] breakups. And looking for a new job. And dealing with housing issues. And acclimating to Chicago. And attempting to create community as a single, 30+ year old woman. And dealing with family.  And half-ass dating in a pool with pee in it.

But I’m glad you’ve decided stick around.

I always come back. Always. This is a passion project for me – I may set it down for a bit, live my life, explore, but I return with renewed perspective on how to interpret the set of events leading up to and the aftermath of, my brain bleed.

---

Here’s What I’m Thinking For This Years’ Go-Round:

I have to finish my proposal. I’ve been working on it since late 2019, then Covid happened and threw everything off. It’s essentially a 20+ page document detailing the book chapters and summary, attached to a marketing plan. Included in the document is a research portion I’m high-key dreading – a deep dive into the book audience: who am I doing this for? Why? Where are they? How do I reach them?

[Funny enough, I’m assisting with a research-based marketing project in my day job – I don’t normally do market research. The best practices, techniques, resources and tools are eye-opening].

But the spotlight is on the proposal. I really want to get this buttoned up.

The good part: I’m halfway there.

Good luck everyone!

Mood Music: It’s Givin’ - Latto

Back for Nanowrimo 2021.

 

Chicago, IL

It’s been roughly six months – I’ve missed you! I took the summer off of my book project to ‘get it together’ if-you-will.  Last time I wrote, I was at the tail end of an aggressive interview season, tooting my own horn for seven different companies (four to five rounds a piece), answering repetitive questions and participating in writing assignments for free (I will no longer do this, tuh!). It’s difficult for most neurotypical people to tolerate, let alone someone with a processing disorder.

When the rejections started rolling in, I spiraled into a depression.

I snagged this cup at the checkout line in TJ Maxx. They got me.

Straddling the fence between appreciation for the stability and my eagerness to leave having no where to go, left me despondent. I felt stuck.

My desire to pivot out had been long established: I tried to break away for two years but kept getting drop-kicked in the face.

After six ‘nos,’ one organization said ‘yes.’  I gladly accepted.

The industry sector I work in, is competitive. There are many specializations: content marketing, digital marketing, product marketing, email marketing, corporate communications, public relations etc. that often blend together.

It is a very teachable skill - we’re not doctors - but for some reason, other people couldn’t see it for me.

This was not my first rodeo: over the last 10/11 years, I’ve gone through several cycles or ‘sprints’ of interview stages for months on end. I thought I would be able to move within my organization; I thought they would be my ‘home’ company. I clearly thought wrong and grew very bored, tired and restless attempting to try.

Finally coming out from underneath a rock holding a new opportunity for advancement, gave me hope.

---

Further into to summer, I decided to have my tonsils removed; problems persisted in my throat that needed to be addressed. They had to go – it was a pricy surgery, but worth it.

The healing process took roughly three weeks before I was on to the next task:

“How am I going to get out of Iowa?”

The pandemic brought me back home and although it was wonderful to be among family, reconnect with childhood friends and dive head first into the best relationship of my life (so far), something unseen tugged at my spirit.

I missed the city life and decided to resume my 2019, pre-pandemic game plan to relocate to Chicago.

Needless to say, I’ve been busy. So busy, my book project took a back seat.

Between mid-June and August,  I wrote a few articles to get my feet wet again (you can find them here on my medium page) but the pang from pushing my core project to the side, whispered to me at night.

---

Nanowrimo is my time to focus. Instead of aiming for the traditional 50,000 words, I have a list of sub-projects to complete in preparation for the larger one – if you have been following me for a while, I’ve likely written about them:

1. Week One: Blog Updates
   Nurturing my reader base and interviewing survivors is fundamental in supporting this community. These are stories that need to be told. Please stay tuned.

2. Week Two: Edits My First 10 Pages
   Early in 2021, I submitted the first 10 pages of my book for review to a literary agent – she’s a seasoned vet, well versed in memoir writing. Her guidance and recommendations are necessary for making me a better writer. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to implement any of those changes.  Until now.

3. Week 3: Polish My Book Proposal
   At the top of 2019, I created submission packet for a fellowship in Seattle that included a book proposal section. The fellowship didn’t land, but I consider it a win regardless.  The proposal just needs some shining.

4.  Week 4: Just Write
   I have a few article ideas I want to start outlining for my medium page and other publication outlets. It’s time to bring those pieces to life.

In November I return to my purpose: more centered, more grounded, more focused.

Mood Music: Everything in its Right Place - Radiohead

2021: Deja Vu.

 

Des Moines, Iowa

I’m not quite there yet.  The dawning of the year usually excites me. I look forward to new opportunities and continued growth. I’m available. I’m ready. I’m curious. I’m eager.

Like most, I start the mental prep work in December, reflecting on the past 12 months – what did I learn? What goals did I accomplish? What could I have done better? 

This year is different: I bite my lip. I shake my head. Hmph. I have running list of things in my mind; a floating docket to actualize in 2021 – most of which are items that fell by the wayside in 2020.

My Work Station.

They had to – I didn’t have a choice. Situations occurred that prompted me to move quickly and became much more important than what I initially planned.

We’re still in the middle of a pandemic. We’re still politically fatigued and socially askew. I tried my best to get what I could, done and gave the rest up in lieu of peace of mind.

Coming into 2021, I knew it would be more of the same for a while.

We thought - just for a moment - an incoming administration offered hope. It didn’t take long before we moonwalked back to 1940’s Nazi Germany in a way that stifle any glimmer of optimism.

People are truculent and implacable – we saw that the first week of January. It reminds of the 5 of Wands tarot card – everyone fighting to be heard but no one listening.

This post isn’t about the opprobrious details or my thoughts on such; you all know what happened.  It’s about the general malaise lingering in the atmosphere and how I’m attempting to push past it.

---

I felt ok during the holiday season – being at home with my family, helps. They are a grounding source of comfort. I’m aware of what I have going on [both personally and professionally] and felt motivated to start rolling out pieces in the new year.

I began taking notes here and there, putting the puzzle together. Reading more, doing spurts of research. As always, I aim to continue progress on the book – I made a few strides during Nano and want to reverse and clean it up.

I plan to get parts of the story critiqued by folks who know what they are doing and have the credentials to support their observations.

Blank Board.

I’m nervous to receive their feedback.  The current version of the book has been a W.I.P. (work in progress) for nearly two years – the project itself, for four.  I welcome the criticism. I need the help – I’m not above it. At. All.

But I’m still nervous.

In terms of the blog – nomadicaffeine – I want to bring you more interviews for the #beyondthestroke series. It was birthed out the pandemic to inspire. Survivors want to read these stories. They are yours. They are ours. I think it’s good, positive and productive for the whole of the community.

The problem is: I haven’t written any of this down. I have a top-of-the-year ritual, started in 2013:

I clean, I purge, I smudge with sage. I create a goal board, broken into quarters.  

Jan - March // April -June // July - September // October - December.

This year I have nothing. My board is blank. It scares me to build a draft – I got screwed last year. We all did. Even in 2021, there is so much that is still unknown.

I think I will attack it differently, using major themes to set my agenda; nothing too specific. I don’t want to give myself hard deadlines. I want to make sure I allow for flexibility.

Tumultuous as it may be, we are in a time of deep transformation.

Buckle up.

Mood Music: Dreamworld - Robin Thicke

The 9th Inning: NaNoWriMo 2020

 

Des Moines, Iowa

I was hesitant about participating in Nano this year; 2020 has been, undoubtedly difficult.

Between the pandemic, social uprising, political brawls and general confusion, it was hard to full concentrate using a mind that has been bloated to endless fatigue with news saturation.

My creative impulses hit a wall just as my anxiety levels accelerated. The abrupt shifts that keep happening nationwide [and on a personal/professional level], make it hard to see a future.

I’ve settled into my temporary new home, but the reverberation from the summer madness still tickle my ears every now and again. The scramble to get out of Seattle had an impact and has forced me to introspect more deeply about what is to come.

Moving from a super liberal city with stringent COVID protocols, back to a red state whose Governor is “leaving it in the hands of the people,” doesn’t build my confidence as a returning resident – the number of fucks not given is both disheartening and dangerous.

Like most, I’ve been on autopilot heading into the winter, simply trying to get through the day. I noticed many writers are carrying a comparable attitude toward Nano…

 F*ck. I'm just tired. This year has been A LOT.

---

I remember participating in Nanowrimo during the 2016 election. I was going through a breakup; the fluctuating emotions surrounding those events couldn’t stop me. I pushed through - read about it, here.

I'm doing it again in 2020 for similar reasons - an attempt to about-face that energy into something more productive. It’s not as easy as in the past; I don't have the same amount of vigor, inspiration or drive. I really, really have had to try this time. 

I'm not doing this out of obligation, I’m doing this because it is way to hold myself accountable. Simply put: making progress on my book helps me feel better; of the many things I have no control over, this is the one thing I do. Even if I get out 250 words a day, I'm ok with that. Even if I have to skip a day [or four], that's fine. “As long as it’s something,” I told myself.

For this round, I’m focusing on the years 2014 & 2015 [Chapters 9 & 10 respectively - this may change as I move along and do more editing]. These were damn good years for me – I was curious in my career and motivated in my recovery. I gleaned lot from the people in my circle: everyone was a tool used to understand more about myself.

I was bold and courageous – striking out on my own to attend MeetUp events, networking groups, social clubs, and dance classes. I talk about taking my life back and deciding to [both literally and figuratively] write my own story.

The desire to reflect on something lighthearted and exciting is not lost on me, given our current circumstances. I teared up a bit, reminiscing on the early stages of newfound girlfriends and former admirers. Shook my head at some of the not-so-boss moves I made during certain points of my career. That is ok. You live. You learn.

---

In the beginning, I created a schedule to adhere to – it didn’t stick. I got wrapped up in the election melee, doom scrolling through social media and the endless commentary on the results. I wondered the possibilities and what this meant. Most of my anxiety was put at ease about a week after CNN made their final call.

Cool.

But then I woke up with a cough and a sore throat - the anxiety crept in again. My body was beginning to fail me in all the right ways, making it harder to concentrate on Nano goals and creativity. I needed to get tested to calm my nerves – luckily, I was cleared of COVID. Thank, God. I can rest easy.

This has been the longest month ever, the longest year ever and quite frankly, I’m glad it’s over [or about to be]. I will sleep for December and see you all in 2021 my friends!

Mood Music: Let’s Take A Ride - Justin Timberlake

Keep On, Keepin' On.

 

The Depot Coffee House

Week two of NaNoWriMo has been rough. Rough.  

At week end, I managed to punch out: 5,049 words.

It’s ok, but I wanted a bit more. I won’t lie.  

I had to pause at the beginning of the week to take in the unfortunate outcome of the Election.

Yep. That happened.

I found it difficult to ideate for a few days; my mind was distracted, full of "what ifs?" /  "why?" and "hows?!".

Even though I am disheartened,  I have to keep writing. 

I found an article  circulating on twitter through lit hub, that offers solace in the wake of the terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad news.

Deep. Breath.

Ok.

Moving on:

I’m at a point in my story where I’ve run into some brick walls; I’ve gotten past the introductions where I set the stage for the larger story, so that’s good.

Bravo, lady!

I’ve made it clear to the reader[s] who [some] of my characters are, and what I’m shooting for in terms of goals.

[I’m still kind of questioning some of this - I'll work it out].

The other day, I picked up a book at the library entitled, “This Is Not A Writing Manual,” by author Kerri Majors.

Truth be told - the cover art stood out and I had to grab it!

It’s sort of a non-conventional, words-of-wisdom [less of a how-to] type of book, as implied by the title.

Basically:  lessons that have been learned throughout her writing career.

After thumbing over a few of the chapters, I came across,  “Leave Your Ego At The Door.”

Majors opens with a couple of quotes from other esteemed authors/poets:

“I also have long loved Keat’s idea of “negative capability” and find it tremendously helpful in the creative process and in life in general.”

- Gibson Fay-Leblanc

“Nobody prepared me for how goddamn much of myself would be in whatever I wrote, and how I had better be comfortable with those parts of myself before I put pen to paper.”

- Bradley Philbert

She goes on to define negative capability in the words of Gibson, from an article he published:

“…negative capability, that is when man is capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts without any irritable reaching after fact and reason…when we can sit with our doubts, when we can take risks, embrace danger, and overcome the fear that all might be lost, that is we -- as writers, as organizations, as humans have the most to gain.”

As I’m writing my story -  this narrative of mine that is largely based on my own experience, it becomes crucial to tap into the neglected emotion from every major event. I mentioned in another post how cathartic writing this would be...

A moment of honesty, please: sometimes, SOMETIMES, I don’t want to go there.

But it’s necessary.  I’m discovering that many of these “scenarios” had remained untouched for a very long time.

This exploration creates a better understanding of myself and perhaps the people who were around me, way back then.  That level of intimacy is profound. 

Majors talks a lot of about being brave:

“Do you think that to live the life of a writer, in a constant state of “negative capability” – with all of the doubts and risks associated with that life – that you need to be brave?...even if you didn’t put a single detail of your own life into your fiction, you’ve put your heart and soul into it. You are very much on every page of that story.” [p. 54 / 56].

In other cases,  re-writing history in the way that it should’ve gone, not as it was,  gives me an out. I get to look at the situation in question, from another angle – reframe it as I want.

It’s important for both myself and my reader[s] to identify with the characters; to somehow resonate with their experiences.

In the grand scheme of things – it’s all universal.

It really is.

Ha.

Mood Music: Because [cover] - The Beatles

[Sorry, I couldn't find the original! This one is pretty good though - I love this song!]

Write Until [Your Fingers Fall Off].

 

West Side Perk: Coffee Shop

Short Post: Next month, I will be participating NaNoWriMo [National Novel Writing Month] which occurs every November.

I found out about NaNo last year - at the time, it was too late to enter the competition.

As mentioned in earlier posts, a lot of the prep work for my novel has been completed, so I am excited to be a participant this November! Whoot!

Personally, I feel as though it would be a great time for me to get on board and get going. Again. 

Round 2: Let's hope I save my work correctly.  I'm still mildly pissed about that, guys. 

Their tag:  "The World Needs Your Novel". 

Yes. Yes, it does. 

I'll be participating with fellow writers online [forums] and in person [local meetups]. Believe you, me: I need all of the encouragement and support I can get. 

The commitment is to write 50,000 words in 30 days -- I'm trying to be realistic with myself. That ain't happenin'. I do, however, want to dedicate time every day in November to write something. Anything. Even a paragraph, a couple sentences? [Some days are really rough, ya'll!]

It is important to me to stick it out this month and concentrate on completing my goal.

I think I can do that. I know I can do that. 

I have an inkling that I'm a morning writer -- we're going to try and see. Test a few things. Set the clock back to 5am and pound it out, M-F.

Saturday & Sunday?  I've got all day baby.  Perhaps, I'll give NaNo updates throughout the month? 

[Rolls eyes]. 

I'll try.  Stay with me.  I'm working on it!  I can barely make it to the gym every week!

This competition also gives me the chance to practice the enforcement of the word:  "NO".

[I'm bad at that]. 

My people already know what the deal is: sorry girls / guys / whomever -- if I haven't completed my daily writing goals, the answer to you is a hard, "no". 

Nope - sorry, can't do a movie tonight. 

Or happy hour. 

Or dinner. Or parties. 

Focus.

I've had a lot of  "life events"  happen lately that are going to be my impetus to write -- I've got to shift the energy from "that" to this. 

It's difficult, but I have to get it out and work through...whatever it is that I need to work through. 

I've never been good at verbally expressing anything. Ever. It will come out on the computer screen.

Sigh. 

I'm hoping this will be cathartic in some respect.

A lot of tears will be shed -- I can already feel it coming. 

Oh.  God. 

Oh.  Well.

Sigh. 

I'll be so proud of myself if I am able to follow through. 

Are you up for the challenge?

I am. 

Mood Music: Isle of the Dead - Sergei Rachmaninov

[In the spirit of Halloween!]