Des Moines, Iowa
I’m not quite there yet. The dawning of the year usually excites me. I look forward to new opportunities and continued growth. I’m available. I’m ready. I’m curious. I’m eager.
Like most, I start the mental prep work in December, reflecting on the past 12 months – what did I learn? What goals did I accomplish? What could I have done better?
This year is different: I bite my lip. I shake my head. Hmph. I have running list of things in my mind; a floating docket to actualize in 2021 – most of which are items that fell by the wayside in 2020.
My Work Station.
They had to – I didn’t have a choice. Situations occurred that prompted me to move quickly and became much more important than what I initially planned.
We’re still in the middle of a pandemic. We’re still politically fatigued and socially askew. I tried my best to get what I could, done and gave the rest up in lieu of peace of mind.
Coming into 2021, I knew it would be more of the same for a while.
We thought - just for a moment - an incoming administration offered hope. It didn’t take long before we moonwalked back to 1940’s Nazi Germany in a way that stifle any glimmer of optimism.
People are truculent and implacable – we saw that the first week of January. It reminds of the 5 of Wands tarot card – everyone fighting to be heard but no one listening.
This post isn’t about the opprobrious details or my thoughts on such; you all know what happened. It’s about the general malaise lingering in the atmosphere and how I’m attempting to push past it.
I felt ok during the holiday season – being at home with my family, helps. They are a grounding source of comfort. I’m aware of what I have going on [both personally and professionally] and felt motivated to start rolling out pieces in the new year.
I began taking notes here and there, putting the puzzle together. Reading more, doing spurts of research. As always, I aim to continue progress on the book – I made a few strides during Nano and want to reverse and clean it up.
I plan to get parts of the story critiqued by folks who know what they are doing and have the credentials to support their observations.
Blank Board.
I’m nervous to receive their feedback. The current version of the book has been a W.I.P. (work in progress) for nearly two years – the project itself, for four. I welcome the criticism. I need the help – I’m not above it. At. All.
But I’m still nervous.
In terms of the blog – nomadicaffeine – I want to bring you more interviews for the #beyondthestroke series. It was birthed out the pandemic to inspire. Survivors want to read these stories. They are yours. They are ours. I think it’s good, positive and productive for the whole of the community.
The problem is: I haven’t written any of this down. I have a top-of-the-year ritual, started in 2013:
I clean, I purge, I smudge with sage. I create a goal board, broken into quarters.
Jan - March // April -June // July - September // October - December.
This year I have nothing. My board is blank. It scares me to build a draft – I got screwed last year. We all did. Even in 2021, there is so much that is still unknown.
I think I will attack it differently, using major themes to set my agenda; nothing too specific. I don’t want to give myself hard deadlines. I want to make sure I allow for flexibility.
Tumultuous as it may be, we are in a time of deep transformation.
Buckle up.
Mood Music: Dreamworld - Robin Thicke