Nomadic

Des Moines, Iowa

I was hesitant about participating in Nano this year; 2020 has been, undoubtedly difficult.

Between the pandemic, social uprising, political brawls and general confusion, it was hard to full concentrate using a mind that has been bloated to endless fatigue with news saturation.

My creative impulses hit a wall just as my anxiety levels accelerated. The abrupt shifts that keep happening nationwide [and on a personal/professional level], make it hard to see a future.

I’ve settled into my temporary new home, but the reverberation from the summer madness still tickle my ears every now and again. The scramble to get out of Seattle had an impact and has forced me to introspect more deeply about what is to come.

Moving from a super liberal city with stringent COVID protocols, back to a red state whose Governor is “leaving it in the hands of the people,” doesn’t build my confidence as a returning resident – the number of fucks not given is both disheartening and dangerous.

Like most, I’ve been on autopilot heading into the winter, simply trying to get through the day. I noticed many writers are carrying a comparable attitude toward Nano…

F*ck. I'm just tired. This year has been A LOT.

I remember participating in Nanowrimo during the 2016 election. I was going through a breakup; the fluctuating emotions surrounding those events couldn’t stop me. I pushed through - read about it, here.

I'm doing it again in 2020 for similar reasons - an attempt to about-face that energy into something more productive. It’s not as easy as in the past; I don't have the same amount of vigor, inspiration or drive. I really, really have had to try this time.

I'm not doing this out of obligation, I’m doing this because it is way to hold myself accountable. Simply put: making progress on my book helps me feel better; of the many things I have no control over, this is the one thing I do. Even if I get out 250 words a day, I'm ok with that. Even if I have to skip a day [or four], that's fine. “As long as it’s something,” I told myself.

For this round, I’m focusing on the years 2014 & 2015 [Chapters 9 & 10 respectively - this may change as I move along and do more editing]. These were damn good years for me – I was curious in my career and motivated in my recovery. I gleaned lot from the people in my circle: everyone was a tool used to understand more about myself.

I was bold and courageous – striking out on my own to attend MeetUp events, networking groups, social clubs, and dance classes. I talk about taking my life back and deciding to [both literally and figuratively] write my own story.

The desire to reflect on something lighthearted and exciting is not lost on me, given our current circumstances. I teared up a bit, reminiscing on the early stages of newfound girlfriends and former admirers. Shook my head at some of the not-so-boss moves I made during certain points of my career. That is ok. You live. You learn.

In the beginning, I created a schedule to adhere to – it didn’t stick. I got wrapped up in the election melee, doom scrolling through social media and the endless commentary on the results. I wondered the possibilities and what this meant. Most of my anxiety was put at ease about a week after CNN made their final call.

Cool.

But then I woke up with a cough and a sore throat - the anxiety crept in again. My body was beginning to fail me in all the right ways, making it harder to concentrate on Nano goals and creativity. I needed to get tested to calm my nerves – luckily, I was cleared of COVID. Thank, God. I can rest easy.

This has been the longest month ever, the longest year ever and quite frankly, I’m glad it’s over [or about to be]. I will sleep for December and see you all in 2021 my friends!

Mood Music: Let’s Take A Ride - Justin Timberlake

Home, Seattle, WA

* COVID-19 has put a damper on my coffee crashing. I’m social distancing by drinking my coffee from the comfort [and safety] of my home.

Although I am in Seattle [the original US hotbed of the respiratory illness], my family lives over 1,300 miles away in the Midwest. Unfortunately, I was unable to get home before the spread started; I would have loved to be with my parents who are embedded in a rural community.

At the time of posting, the virus has not impacted that part of the country in the way it has coastal cities, but I am still anxious; it’s only a matter of time. Apparently, their strategy is more reactive than proactive - Iowa is one of 5 states that still do not have a “Stay At Home,” statewide order in place.

My family primarily works in the service industry where they either a) have continual contact with the public b) work in manufacturing in close quarters with other people – without a supreme sense of urgency, “loosely enforcing” folks to social distance, fall on deaf ears. Some are doing it, most are not.

All three of my immediate family members belong to the high-risk health category for a number of reasons, so yes, I’m a little scared. Be that as it may, the privilege I have in this situation is not lost on me – I’m not struggling financially, I can pay the rent and still maintain the ability to shield myself from increased exposure.

My experience as a 3-year telecommuter has, in essence, “prepared” me for this moment. I have the tools to work both comfortably and successfully beyond the brick-and-mortar.

The personal adjustments come from having to deal with someone else in the home, simultaneously – I’m used to being alone during the day; there has been a disruption to my normal routine that has taken time to get used to.

I’m certainly not alone: a lot of people are dealing with spouses and children in shared spaces. It’s annoying at best and incredibly frustrating at worst. Then there are the jobs, lost. People have mouths to feed and bills to pay. The economy is crashing. Folks are tired, restless and stir crazy. We don’t know who to believe, who to blame.

When does it all end? Seattle has a date to “open,” but does that really mean anything? And what will stepping out in the world look like after Corona?

Listen, I’m an introverted hermit – I can entertain myself for hours on end, but this is a lot, even for me. I miss my friends, going to live show events, dinner and happy hours, taking in-person dance classes, working out [at a gym] etc.

We all feel the burden in varied degrees.

I belong to several stroke support groups on Facebook – when COVID concerns took off toward the beginning of March, many wondered how it would affect those of us who had gone through a brain hemorrhage.

Looking to the American Heart Association / American Stroke Association as trusted resource for stroke related information, most if not every article I found, pointed back to their website.

The American Stroke Associate has a Podcast episode on Stroke & COVID featuring Christopher Ewing, a Stroke Survivor living in California and Dr. Mitchell, S.V. Elkind, MD a Neurologist and stroke expert. The both of them shed light on a couple of concerns for us:

Interviewer: Dr. Elkin, are stroke survivors like Christopher at increased risk of getting the Covid-19 virus?

Dr. Mitchell Elkin: Yes. It seems like that's the case. Reports from China indicate that patients with heart disease and high blood pressure as well as the elderly are at higher risk of this virus, of Covid-19. And we think the same is likely to be true for patients with stroke. Probably because there's a lot of overlap between heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke, so that's why it's especially important for people who are more vulnerable, like older patients or people with heart disease and stroke to practice physical distancing and hand washing and the avoidance of unnecessary interaction with other people who may be exposed, which is I think the kinds of experiences that Chris was just telling us about, when he went shopping and things like that. Unfortunately, it does look like there is some increased risk. We don't know exactly how much yet. We need to do more research particularly here in the United States.

Interviewer: If stroke patients do get infected, are they at a greater risk of experiencing more complications?

Dr. Mitchell Elkin: That also does seem to be the case. People who have underlying heart disease and stroke do seem to have a higher risk of complications. This may be because of an increased susceptibility to the virus, it could also be that the body in somebody who has had heart disease or stroke has less what we would call physiological reserve or the ability to handle any kind of illness. So a severe illness can make things worse. It's the same kind of thing that we've seen for many years with diseases like the flu, so that's why, for example, The American Heart Association and American Stroke Association have been recommending for many years that people who have heart disease and stroke get vaccinated against the flu. Unfortunately, of course, we don't have a vaccine for Covid yet, but the same kind of issue would likely apply.

I have a regular rotation of culture commentary podcasts that I listen to, each throwing in their 2 cents. Beside incompetent, unprepared leadership [fish rots from the head, no?] what is the more spiritual representation of everything going on?

Some believe that the world needed to stop: we were moving too much, too fast, too hard. The earth continues to rot – WE are the disease, destroying her with our negligent air pollution and other forms of poison.

Earthlings were given multiple warnings through increased natural disasters - we still weren’t compelled enough to change, entirely. The universe decided enough was enough and here we are.

When we return to walk the land, we can’t go back to how it was. We just can’t.

I don’t like the idea of telling people what to do in their time of quarantine: we’re in the middle of a crisis – everyone is going to handle it, differently.

But what does it bring up for you to be still? This is my world. There are many days after work I spend drinking wine and thinking. Eating edibles and Netflixing. Yoga. Chatting with my folks, wishing I was there. Other days I have ideas. Some days I put those ideas into motion – depends on my energy level and mood. Revising my [written] work, prepping for a fellowship [post on that later], social media management.

You can be productive, you can not be productive.

Do whatever will cause the least amount of harm…to you.

Stay safe out there.

Mood Music: What’s Going On? - Marvin Gaye

The 9th Inning: NaNoWriMo 2020

Socially Distant.

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