Farewell, Seattle.

 

Seattle, WA

I remember the first time I visited Seattle back in February 2017. The idea of leaving Minneapolis was not a new one – I had been contemplating an exit for a few years, but I wasn’t clear on a landing spot.

After my final angiogram at the University of Iowa in spring of 2016, I felt freed enough to put a real plan in place – I would no longer be tethered to this region of the country. Over the summer leading into the fall months, I aggressively interviewed with PetSmart corporate in Phoenix. Twice. The recruiter was convincing; I was looking forward to the dry heat of Arizona

Where The Magic Happens: Pike Place Market, Seattle

Nothing happened there. As a result, I took a gig at a software company with a satellite office in Minnesota. It was a strategic move - the option to telecommute opened the door to “location exploration.” The tech giant is headquartered in the heart of downtown Bellevue, WA – a “suburb” of Seattle.

My only references to the Emerald City were Nirvana and the cast of 1998’s “The Real World,” – I was 10 when it aired on MTV.  The opening scene for the show included a shot of the famous fish throwers at Pike Place Market.

Google told me the skies were overcast for most of the year and it rained a lot.

“I can do that – it’s not snow!”

This would be my ticket out of the Midwest. This would be my ticket into corporate marketing.

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For my 29th birthday, I decided to book a flight – I wanted to see and feel the energy of Seattle before I made a permanent leap; I’m a calculated risk kind of gal. 

The landscape from above heights in the plane were breathtaking – snow capped mountains, the rigidity of the terrain. The vegetation blossomed as we moved closer to small towns and bigger cities. I’m not an “outdoorsy” person by any stretch, but I can appreciate the beauty and importance of lush greenery and clean air.  

I stayed at the famous Green Tortoise Hostel downtown. The patrons at the hostel were varied; travelers from all over the world passed through to stop and crash for a few nights.

The Green Tortoise staff treated us kindly, putting together tours for those that wanted to get to know the city at a more intimate level. I happily signed up and was given the chance to see the [once] popular and thriving neighborhood of Capitol Hill. Ride the light rail transit for the first time. Pass the Jimmy Hendrix statue in front of Blick Art Materials. Walk through Cal Anderson park. See a live band at the Cha Cha Lounge.  Drink a cheap Rainier Beer. Restaurants, bars, art, music – my Midwestern eyes were overwhelmed by the stimulation.

On the day of my birthday, the sky greyed over with a coat of wetness hitting the ground.  I got up early and walked across the street to Pike Place Market, finding a cozy spot at Storyville Coffee to jot down a journal entry:

2.25.17, Seattle. Happy Birthday!

“Today is my birthday – I can’t believe I made it out here. I can’t believe it’s happening. Seattle. 29. My God – I don’t know how to feel.  I’ve been up since 3:30am. Can’t sleep, my mind is racing. Can I move here? Start over? It’s hilly – driving would be a bitch. That scares me – I’m already a shitty driver. It’s so different here, but still a little familiar. Seattle is like a Minneapolis/Denver hybrid. It’s so far way from everything. I’m starting to get scared.  It’s also expensive here – everyone I meet, confirms the high COL.  

I met a guy last night on Bumble who just so happens to be from Iowa, lol.  The artsy type – he paints. Super liberal, friendly. When I first arrived on Thursday, I met this woman from Canada – she reminds me of [name redacted].  Bleach blonde hair, short, super chill. Great style.

The ambient music in this coffeeshop is fitting for my mood: somber. 29. Twenty-fucking-nine.  I can do this!  The fact of the matter is – I don’t have a choice. [Company Name Redacted] is headquartered, here.  If I want to get into marketing, this is the way to do it! I have to move.”

The skies eventually cleared enough for me to take a solo walk around Downtown, into Belltown. Ensconced between skyscrapers and a two-story Target, I watched crowds of people rush the market on a Saturday afternoon.

Trudging up first avenue on an incline, a chic French breakfast spot caught my eye – the line was long, but I didn’t care. After waiting for 45 minutes, I was let in to be placed at the bar area. An older couple sitting next to me, overheard ramblings with my family over the phone – they wished me “Happy Birthday” and extended a friendly gesture by paying for my food.

Seattle Skyline Featuring The Oh So Famous: Space Needle.

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I came to Seattle with ideas about what wanted to accomplish. My little sister and I road tripped from Minneapolis - I knew no one. When she dropped me off my heart sank, fearful of doing this alone, but opened quickly to the endless possibilities of what could be.

I gave Seattle a good try. I did, but I didn’t accomplish any of my initial goals during my 3-year stay. What I did do, as cheesy as it sounds, is make lifelong friendships. Rediscover self and formulate redirection.

Here’s what I will miss: long nights dancing to 80’s cover bands and 90’s jams.

First Thursday Art Walks in Pioneer Square ▪ Friendsgiving when many of us couldn’t make it home ▪ Seattle coffeeshops ▪ Tinder date recaps with my old roommate and new girlfriends ▪ Metropolitan Market ▪ slow hikes among the countless trails of Washington state ▪ Beacon Hill ▪ my dance studio in Greenlake ▪ beer festivals and farmers markets. The local band scene and sing-along events.

Eccetera.

Circumstances surrounding my departure are sordid, long and ironic. I’ve recounted the story multiple times and don’t feel the need to get into it again.

2020 left its’ mark; the kind of reverberation that will last for a while. In this tense climate, many people have had to adjust and pivot - I am no exception.

The frustration and sadness that I had to leave so soon before planned is still there, but the realization around why it was necessary, is not lost on me.

Sometimes, life comes at you fast. Sometimes you just need to go home.

Mood Music: Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver

My Obligatory 'New Years' Post.

 

Anchorhead Coffee

It is officially the start of a new decade.

How Does That Feel?

I’m going to be honest, the realization that an entire decade has elapsed, is surreal.

For a lot of Millennials, it was our first decade as adults – we were thrust into this new world as “contributing members of society,” only to come face-to-face with a recession.

Remember that?  I do.

In 2009, I was 21 and a junior in college. Twenty-fucking-one.

For reference, I’m edging thirty-fucking-two in 30 days.

I started undergrad at 18 with the assumption that I would:

go to college > get a good job > date> marry well > have a baby > discover life with my “new” family.

In exact that order.

Listen, the dreams of the typical Midwesterner are simple: you basically mirror what your parents did. Perhaps fall off-the beaten path for a few years, but eventually make your way back home.

A recession was not in the cards nor the proliferation of technology that would go on to complicate the dating landscape. Don’t even get me started…

I remember breaking up with my long-term boyfriend in 2012 and thinking: “how am I supposed to meet people?!”  Tinder wasn’t quite a thing yet and being social outside of an academic structure seemed unlikely for me.

I was pushed toward the pits of hell called “online dating” – OkCupid, Match.com.  Truth be told, I had been meeting people off the internet since my MySpace days, but we don’t need to talk about that…

My psychic abilities failed to tell me I would be making my way into the arctic jungle full of fake progressives known as Minneapolis, let alone the west coast.

Or have brain hemorrhage.

The universe cackles.

Obviously, this was my biggest challenge and subsequent triumph of the decade. My core was shaken: physically, mentally and emotionally. Shit got real. Radiation. Rehab. Depression. “WhAt Am I dOiNg WiTh My LiFe?!”

That whole bit.

I decided to start a blog when no one was blogging anymore.

Lol.

And now I’m writing a book about it.

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I lived this past decade as a 20-something:

The opportune time to make mistakes without critical judgement. More often than not, people will blame your stupidity on your youth. Trust me, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and continue to fuck up every now and again.

I’d like to think I have the tools to process and navigate those situations with much more ease, these days.

The Quaffle.

Thank you, life. Shitty relationships. Aimless career moves. Precarious situations I had no business being in. Bad sex. Poorly maintained friendships. Lemon drop shots and 15 years of therapy off and on.

If you catch me in a good mood, on the right day, when I’m not ovulating and the weather’s nice…I’ll probably still be down for a lemon drop shot.

Also: when we’re talking about fuck ups, your mileage may vary.

If you did it right, you brought some major keys with you into your 30s.

If you did it wrong [and by “wrong,” I simply mean: you spent zero time in introspection and learned nothing] you will repeat those gaffes in your 30s.

If you’re like most of us, you did some half-ass introspection and self work only after an terrifying situation woke you the fuck up, somewhere between the ages 27-32. That first BIG meltdown is a doozy.

You realize how difficult putting the actual work in is and decide to “do the rest later.”

Let’s be clear: in certain areas, you will not get the same grace at 30 that you would have at 25.

My most recent ex learned this the hard way.

In 2009, I couldn’t wait for college to be over. I was one of the not-so-lucky-few that had tumultuous college experience, leaving me with little to no friends, no contacts and no network to tap into.

Next to that, the world was telling me that my financial future was bleak.

I was still hopeful and bright-eyed – yes, the economy was a big heaping pile of shit, but I just knew I could sift through it and figure it out.

I had time and naivete on my side.

You don’t know what you don’t know…until you do.

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It is officially the start of a new year.

What Does That Look Like?

I’m sure you’ve read tons of articles hearkening in 2020, reflecting on the past year. My 2019 – as I mentioned in my Instagram stories – was subpar. Not all of it, but a lot of it.  The downward trajectory began in mid June after returning to Seattle from my trip home.

Unfortunately, things that I thought would get done, did not get done; there were a lot of fails and setbacks both personally and professionally.

It wasn’t a great year, guys.

A lot of my personal goals are heavy. Large. They take time. Energy. Effort.

My thoughts about 2020 are this: I am optimistic. I know everyone is declaring 2020 as their year, but I feel it in my spirit that I will finally bring to fruition some of the projects/goals I’ve been working toward over the past 4 years.

Honestly, it’s like being back in undergrad with a better support system, more money, slightly better sex and a bit more insight into how the world works.

I guess that’s all I can ask for.

Cheers!

Mood Music: We Are Young - Fun ft. Janelle Monae