Miami, FL
Where Does Resilience Come From?
I have to sit in the initial trauma (however long it may be) and move through those emotions – whatever they are. I have to mourn a former life. A situation. A relationship. A person.
The process is individualized, taking days, months or years to digest. If you don’t sit in it or with it, whatever it is will likely resurface with a new face.
After I had my cerebral hemorrhage in 2012, I spiraled into a depression. I was at the beginning stages of young adulthood, having graduated from Simpson College into one of the worst recessions in US history. Although the odds were not in my favor for finding full time professional work - especially in Iowa; the “field of opportunities” were nowhere to be found – I maintained an unshakable fervor and excitement for what was to come.
Recession be damned.
I decided to go back to school and was accepted into the Strategic Communication Management master’s program at Concordia University in St. Paul, MN. The plan I mapped out included completing the program, killing it at Target corporate in Minneapolis, doing some travel, dating, getting married. Maybe a baby and that’s it. All before 30.
That ship has long sailed.
Don’t cha know at 24, I was ready for my upper-middle class, Minnesotan life to take flight - I had six years to execute. It was simple (probably even basic – most of my peers shared similar plans) but I felt satisfied with the blueprint.
One semester into the program and my cerebral hemorrhage happened.
And when it happens, you never forget.
On occasion, I do that thing that everyone does – parse through the “what ifs:”
“What if I would have finished grad school...” (I dropped).
“What if I would have got that job...”
“What if I never got sick…” (It would have changed my course of direction in life).
When I run through that wheel, I get caught in the past.
While it is great to acknowledge, I don’t have to spend the night.
What Is Resiliency?
It is your ability to adapt in times of stress and trauma.
In my blog series #beyondthestroke, I talk to survivors of cerebral hemorrhages – folks who have experienced what was thought to be, insurmountable brain trauma – and how they have been able to overcome, creating beautiful, fulfilling lives and careers for themselves, despite their injury.
I am eight years post hemorrhage and continue to struggle. The aphasia and (sometimes) delayed speech, the angiograms, the MRIs, the headaches, the slowing of my internal processing speed – these are not blatantly obvious disablements. For the most part, they are invisible – if you didn’t know, you wouldn’t.
The idea that I will repeatedly have to recalibrate, refocus, shift, bend is not a novel concept. Life (is/can be) challenging and you will get (metaphorically) punched in the arm (or face). A few times. Or have a brain bleed. Or lose a loved one. Or job during a global pandemic.
What my stroke experience has done, is given me resilience. There is no other option.
Chris Dittrich may not have had a stroke, but he is a part of the brain injury community – we share parallels in the recovery process: inpatient/outpatient occupational and physical therapy. I met him the way I meet most of my brain injury/stroke family: social media.
Back in 2008, he was involved in a car accident that impacted his left temporal lobe, resulting in paralysis of his right arm and leg. From a cognitive standpoint, he suffered short term memory loss and disinhibition – a pattern of behavior characterized by impulsivity.
Chris was left in a coma for three and half weeks, waking into a vegetative state for another two. I am inspired by his tenacity - finishing high school and going on to complete a degree in finance at the University of Miami. His determination, grit and ultimately the way he adapted to his altered brain – is admirable.
“After graduating from U of Miami with a Bachelor of Science in Finance, I started working for a private hedge fund in South Florida. I had my own office which soon turned out to be the kiss of death. My brain needed more exposure, more things happening in order to stay focused. I was going crazy sitting by myself all day, only speaking to clients on the phone. I quit the job after only a few months and decided to embrace my new brain--one that enjoyed conversation with people, speaking multiple languages and experiencing life.”
Chris studied Mandarin prior to the accident and went on to continue at the undergraduate level.
“In 2011, only three years after my injury, I chose to go on a study abroad trip to Beijing with a few classmates from my university. After two weeks of touring and walking around more than I was physically able to, I met with my professor and told her that I couldn’t continue with the class. Rather than come home early or follow the class to Shanghai, I chose to stay in Beijing by myself for the additional two weeks of the trip. I worked out a schedule with a private tutor to continue Mandarin language lessons, made new friends and explored the city further at my own pace. By being a bit spontaneous, courageous, and pushing the limit, I had the most fulfilling two weeks that set me up for a future where I knew living abroad was the way.”
It is interesting to see how different people adjust to their brain in new form; I personally thought I would have a Jason Padgett situation – the man who sustained a traumatic brain injury and came back a mathematical savant. It wasn’t in the cards for me; I’m still terrible with numbers.
His transition into international hotel management after leaving finance began at Florida International University where he obtained his master’s degree in Hospitality Administration.
“My brain really does its best in a changing, exciting environment. Thinking of my original, pre-injury career path of working finance in New York, busting my behind while staying in my own office makes me shiver now. I feast on the opportunity of living in foreign cities, always having to adapt to different cultures and experiences and speaking different languages with people from all over the world.”
For Chris, the new version of his brain helped strengthen his communication and relationship building skills with others, “I can learn bits and pieces of foreign languages, then confidently recite them back out when dealing with international guests, clients and strangers on the street. I suffered from disinhibition, but now, twelve years after my injury, I’ve been able to turn that ‘lack of inhibition’ into an effective ability to approach perfect strangers and start meaningful conversations.”
Since his 2008 accident, he has made considerable progress, but it didn’t come easy or without challenges. In terms of his career, it is the physical difference that made getting through to some of his colleagues, tough. “In the hotel, it was important for me to be up standing, walking around all day. I enjoyed it, and had no real problem with it muscle wise, but undoubtedly, faced trouble from people who perceived me as being weaker.”
Chris takes it in stride, choosing to be upfront when people ask him about it, “I am really proud of myself, so I have nothing to hide. Some people are close minded and assume I am looking for pity when I proudly share my experiences. I can always tell a cool, understanding, mature person vs someone I don’t want to waste my time, by their reaction. The consequences of my brain injury—minus the remaining physical issues—have shaped my career and my life, so I am quick to disclose for the benefit of all.”
What does it take to have and maintain resiliency? I look to my support system – namely my family who immediately came to my rescue from Iowa when news of my hemorrhage trickled down the phone tree; they proceeded to care for me during my 3-month disability stint.
Co-workers rushed me to the hospital, made phone calls to my parents and stayed by my side while we waited for them to arrive. The outpour of support from my small town, 450-person midwestern community - parents of former students, teachers, neighbors, friends – brought food, ran errands, sent texts, calls, cards, prayer and flowers when I arrived safely back in Iowa.
The love was overwhelming but appreciated. Even in my darkest hour, their encouragement kept me going. “A strong support system has been vital for me improving from the beginning, “ says Chris. “My father, in particular, has been with me from day one and fashions himself to be sort of an unpaid patient advocate.”
My father took on a similar role: the day of my stroke, my mother had just been released from the hospital in Iowa after undergoing open heart surgery. She and I were on disability…together.
It was my father and my younger sister who stepped in as our caretakers through rehab, doctors’ appointments and radiation treatment at the University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics.
“His patient advocacy has been so important in dealing with doctors, hospitals and all the behind the scenes efforts during my recovery. I learned from him to never become part of the system. By being enthusiastic and standing out, I have received the best care available.”
In the years since, I’ve learned a lot about my own personal strength – developing perseverance and fortitude through shifting mindsets (and a lot of therapy) - in the face of trauma. I moved back to Minneapolis, then onto Seattle to chase my dreams of becoming a writer and corporate marketing/communications maven; it has been one hell of a ride.
“While all brain injury survivors are unique, the best advice I could give others is to push your limits; be willing to take some risks! Of course, life would be easier for me if I had stayed close to home near to my support system and familiar doctors, but I wouldn’t be experiencing life the same way. I hope that young survivors, or any people struggling with injuries in general, can look at me and see me still fighting, improving after over 12 years. I hope survivors can see that attitude is everything!”
Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, Chris has returned to Miami, but has plans to make it back to his home in Bangkok once the coast is clear. He is currently working to improve his physical self as he recovers from a second surgery to his right hand alongside daily participation in gait training, “I feel for sure—also evidenced in videos—that I’m walking now the best I have since before my injury in 2008. It’s exciting!”
Like myself, Chris is working on a book about his experience, “from the beginning, I have always been about inspiration through action - my book will tell you about exciting life experiences from all different countries around the world. I hope it can be aspirational, where other survivors can read what I work through and think, ‘hey, if that little guy Chris can do it, I can do it too!’”
You can follow his progress on Instagram @CD_worldwide.
Fast5 Facts:
Define Success: Fulfillment
Coffee or Tea of Choice: Black Coffee
Who/What Is Your Motivator: Progress
What Balances You: Improvement
Favorite Color: Green
Mood Music: Don’t Worry, Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin