Nanowrimo and Renaissance Reflections.

In the spirit of NaNoWriMo, I dedicated time to finalizing a personal essay I’d been working on for roughly two months. If you’re unfamiliar with NaNoWriMo, you can find past posts, here.

This piece deviates from my usual stroke related content but I believe many of you will resonate.  While I make mention of my stroke experience in the essay, it’s not the primary focus, instead, I speak to the influence of Beyonce’s ‘Renaissance’ album and how her music has impacted my healing process.

I’m not here to prescribe what anyone should do, but rather, share what I did—a raw and occasionally somber look at my personal journey.

I provided a brief excerpt below; full essay is available on my Medium page.

I’ll be back soon with a wrap-up!

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Break Ups, Breakthroughs and Beyoncé
How Queen Bey Pushed Me Through My Personal Renaissance

I hadn’t felt the weight of an album in years—the personal significance of ‘Renaissance’ went beyond the divine. There was something uniquely hopeful, energetic, and aligned in the music. Right place, right time.

 At its release, ‘Renaissance’ helped propel an almost 2-year healing journey I started in February 2022 after being swept up in a whirlwind love bomb. Although the details of the breakup matter less than the outcome, the onset sent me spiraling into a three-month depression – the kind where eating became optional—resulting in an 11 lbs weight loss on an already small-framed body.

My move to Chicago was meant to bring newfound stability; a liberating shift from a 10-year chase through multiple cities. Trying to find my footing in an unfamiliar environment clashed with the absence of an onsite support system while I was at my most vulnerable.

Those in my circle—family and friends—heard the story repeatedly; they helped fill in the gaps from a distance but there was something about this breakup that broke my soul.

The rose-colored glasses came off. Whatever mirage my mind had conjured up, faded. This wasn’t the first time I fell for the okey doke, but it would damn sure be the last.

READ MORE ON MEDIUM.

...And The Livin' Is Easy.

 

All City Coffee

Summer has officially arrived – and thank GOD. Like Minneapolis, Seattle only gets 4-5 solid months of clear, sunny weather. This poses a bit a problem when it comes to writing - at least for me. I’m less likely to spend my time isolated, ruminating over past events for my memoir, when a rooftop happy hour is on the docket.

I’m 30, flirty and thriving -  “suns out/guns out” or however that saying goes, right? I’d rather “seize the day” at a beach, wonder around the streets of Cap Hill or bounce from vendor to vendor at music festival while I can.

But if I’m truely honest with myself, I will admit that I am a little apprehensive – it’s still challenging for me to work inward and backward: I talk about that struggle here.

There are certainly times I don’t feel like rehashing the event – it's depressing and quite frankly, I have some lingering anger and insecurity [most of which is because I still and will continue to wrestle with the residual effects of a hemorrhagic stroke, but you know. Whatever].

I want to remain in my bubble. I want to float. 

It is going to take some deep, deep work with my therapist to really gut everything…and I’m not ready.

Unfortunately, the immediate stressors of The Move, interpersonal relationships and career stuff [for lack of a better term] ate up a lot of time in my sessions these past few months.

As my therapist, *Dan would let me guide the direction of the sessions [as he should] and because of the urgency of the items listed, we would often stay there. Basically, I had a lot of shit going on that needed solving and didn’t really have the mental energy to get into the past.

In the meantime, between time, I’ve got some prep work to-do:

The Move took me to another part of the city that may only be 8 miles away from where I was, but in traffic, could take a day’s journey to reach Dan.

What does this mean?  Well, unfortunately, I have to find a new therapist – ok, I don’t have to, but if I stayed,  we  wouldn’t see each other as often. That’s not going to work for the kid. #itsohard2saygoodbye.

Ugh. It took me forever to find Dan -- I have enjoyed working with him, but I am a person of convenience: he doesn’t have weekend availability and seeing him every 6-7 weeks when I go get my braces tightened, will only work for so long.

[His office is nearby my Orthodontist for those who are wondering].

So add, "the search" to my giant list of things that desperately need to get done. Perhaps when the sun goes down for the season?

As I’m settling into my new spot, in a more “colorful” neighborhood [amazing mountainous views included], I think about how I fully plan to remain committed to the goal – believe me, when I’m not working on the book, I think about it. I’m always reminded that this is a story that needs to be told. It just takes a lot for me to bring it out and that’s ok. Lord help me. Ha.

Mood Music: Summertime - Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong

*not real name